One of the hardest parts of recovery isn’t just staying sober; it’s figuring out how to live differently in a world that once revolved around addiction. It requires massive changes from your side! That often means taking a hard look at your relationships, especially with old friends or family who are still using. You might care about them deeply, and you may even share a long history with them. Friends or family members who are still abusing substances may jeopardise your recovery. If their lifestyle threatens your sobriety, then it’s time to make a choice that puts your recovery first.
Setting Boundaries with Those Who Still Use: Protecting Your Recovery
And that choice is by no means easy. Initially, it can feel like betrayal. It can bring guilt, grief, or even loneliness. But here’s what’s also true: your recovery deserves to be protected. You’ve worked hard to get here, and you have made many sacrifices. So, you owe it to yourself to surround your healing with boundaries that honour the life you’re rebuilding. Recovery is something to cherish!
This is not about cutting people out without care. It’s about recognising your worth, your limits, and your right to put your recovery above all else.
Why Setting Boundaries Matter in Recovery
Boundaries are not walls, punishments or acts of selfishness. Boundaries are lines that protect your peace, your progress, and your well-being. Boundaries keep you safe! When you’re in recovery, especially in the early stages, you’re vulnerable. You’re relearning how to cope, how to feel, how to live without a substance. That takes time, strength, and intention.
Spending time around people who are still using, especially if they’re using your drug of choice, can shake the foundation you’ve worked hard to establish. You may think you’re strong enough to handle it. The important question to ask yourself is, ”Is it worth the risk of relapse?” The answer will always be “No!”
Even if your friends or family say they respect your sobriety, if they continue to use around you, invite you into risky situations, or make you feel like the odd one out, that’s not respect. That’s a setup for relapse. And your recovery is too important to gamble with.
The Emotional Weight of Setting Boundaries with Friends or Family
Setting boundaries with friends or family can bring up a lot of feelings. You may feel guilty, like you’re abandoning someone who once had your back. You may feel sad, mourning the loss of connection and shared memories (but it’s also important to question this narrative and whether your memories were about a genuine connection or merely revolving around using). Or you may even feel angry that they don’t understand or support your decision to change.
All of that is normal. Recovery often includes grieving who you were, where you’ve been, and the people you can no longer walk with. Let yourself feel that and allow yourself to surrender it, talk about it, and write about it. Just don’t let those feelings drag you back into harm’s way.
Remember, you’re not rejecting the person. You’re rejecting the behaviour that threatens your health. This is a key difference.
How to Set Boundaries and Protect Your Sobriety
Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be dramatic or cruel. It can be clear, kind, and firm. Here are some ways to approach it:
1. Be honest about your recovery
You need to let them know that you’re serious about staying clean and that you need to make choices that support that. You don’t have to explain every detail, just be real and clear. Something like, “I’m working hard to stay sober, and I can’t be around substance use right now”, is enough.
2. Choose your settings wisely
If you’re not ready to cut someone off entirely, suggest spending time in sober spaces, such as coffee shops, walks, movies, or other activities that don’t revolve around drugs or alcohol. If they refuse or push your boundaries, that’s your answer.
3. Don’t be afraid to step back
There are times when distance will be the healthiest form of a boundary. You can love someone and still decide they’re not safe for your recovery. Love does not equate to proximity. It’s okay to stop answering calls, take a break from contact, or leave a group chat that triggers you.
4. Expect some pushback
Not everyone will understand your new priorities, particularly those in active addiction. Some might feel rejected, which is not something that you need to take on. Some might try to guilt you into returning to old patterns. You need to stay grounded, as their reaction doesn’t mean your boundary is wrong. It can even mean it’s working and was necessary to do.
5. Have a support system in place
Talk to your treatment team, sponsor, therapist, or trusted friends before and after you set a boundary. You’ll need support, as it can be easy to fall into self-doubt. That’s when you need reminders of why you’re doing this.
If Friends and Family Still Use: What You Can and Can’t Do
Sometimes, the friend or family member you’re trying to distance yourself from reaches out, not just to hang out but for help. They may even be curious about your recovery, and maybe they’re ready for change. This can stir up all kinds of hope and worry. Addiction is cunning, and people may change their minds regularly in regard to getting recovery or not, so don’t get your hopes too high at first.
Here’s the thing: You can be supportive without sacrificing your own sobriety. A first step is to offer to connect them with resources, share your story, or encourage them to seek treatment. It is very important that you know your limits. You’re not their sponsor or saviour, and you can’t force someone to change. You can’t drag someone into recovery, and trying to fix someone else can put your own healing at risk.
It’s okay to say, “I care about you, and I’m here if you decide to get help, but I can’t be around while you’re still using.”
Rebuilding Your Social Circle in Recovery
As you let go of old relationships that no longer serve your recovery, it’s normal to feel lonely. The space you’re creating will make room for something better, including the beauty of real connection, mutual respect, and people who cheer for your healing rather than tempt you into relapse.
Start small by attending meetings and support groups, and by joining clubs or community events where sobriety isn’t just accepted—it’s valued. It might feel awkward at first, but recovery is about growth, not comfort. You can trust that the right people will come. It is important to reach out to those in healthy spaces and create a new circle of friends.
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Choosing Peace: Protecting Your Recovery with Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are hard, especially when they involve people you’ve shared deep bonds with. Here’s what you need to know: Your recovery is your responsibility. You’re allowed to protect it fiercely by choosing peace over loyalty. You’re allowed to walk away from anything that makes staying clean harder. In fact, we implore you to do so!
There’s nothing selfish about healing. There’s nothing cruel about choosing life. If your old friends or family members truly care about you, they’ll respect your journey.
Final Thoughts
Setting boundaries with friends or family members who still use is one of the bravest things you’ll do in recovery. It’s a choice to honour the life you’re building, even when it hurts. It’s a statement that says, “I matter and my healing matters.”
Remember that you’re not alone in this. At Connection Mental Healthcare, we walk with people just like you, people who make hard choices in the name of growth. If you’re struggling to set boundaries or are unsure how to handle these conversations, we’re here to help you find your voice, your strength, and your path forward.