Addiction and Self-Sabotage: Why We Undermine Our Recovery

You have had to work hard to be in recovery, and as we all know, it requires continual work. But let’s be honest, it is worth every minute. You’ve done one of the toughest things and have had to start scratch, beginning an entirely new way of living, and perhaps at last you have even begun to feel a little more like yourself again. 

And then, seemingly out of nowhere, you find yourself doing something that puts it all at risk. Maybe you miss a meeting, start isolating again, or reconnect with people who don’t support your recovery. Deep down, you know it’s not a good idea, but you do it anyway.

This is self-sabotage, and if you’ve experienced it, you’re not alone.

Self-sabotage is incredibly common in recovery, and we want to emphasise that having thoughts of self-sabotage does not need to scare you or send you into a panic. It can feel confusing, frustrating, and disheartening. You may be concerned that you have put your recovery in jeopardy, and you find yourself asking, “Why would I sabotage something I’ve fought so hard to build?” The answer is complex, but it starts with compassion. Self-sabotage isn’t about weakness or failure; it’s often a sign of deeper pain that still needs healing. You need to use these feelings of self-sabotage as a warning sign.

What Is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage happens when you engage in behaviours that undermine your own progress, success, or wellbeing. In recovery, this might look like skipping support group meetings, ignoring your triggers, lying to your loved ones, using again after a period of sobriety, or pushing away people who care about you.

These behaviours don’t usually come out of nowhere, as relapse is not an isolated event but rather a process in which there will be warning signs prior to using again. They often stem from fear, shame, or old beliefs about what we deserve. In many cases, self-sabotage is a protective mechanism and a way the brain tries to shield you from perceived danger, even if that danger is simply the discomfort of change.

Why Self-Sabotage Happens In Recovery?

There are many reasons why someone in recovery might self-sabotage. Understanding these patterns is the first step toward breaking them.

Fear of success

Success can be just as scary as failure, especially if you're not used to things going well. If you’ve lived in survival mode for a long time, peace and stability might feel unfamiliar and almost threatening. A part of you might think, “If I let myself get too comfortable, it’ll all fall apart.” So instead, you tear it down first.

Low self-worth

Addiction often damages your self-esteem. You may carry shame from the past, believing that you don’t deserve happiness, love, or healing. When good things start to happen in recovery, a voice in your head might whisper, “This isn’t for people like you or you don’t deserve this.” These types of beliefs can drive you to sabotage your progress as a way to confirm what you’ve always feared: that you’re not enough.

Fear of vulnerability

Sobriety means facing life as it is without numbing your feelings. That includes facing painful emotions, difficult relationships, or long-buried trauma. At times, self-sabotage is a way to avoid vulnerability. If things start feeling too real or too raw, your brain might push you toward old habits that feel safer in the moment.

Unrealistic expectations

Recovery isn’t a straight path, as it is about living life, which requires all of us to face the ups and downs, setbacks, and victories. When you expect perfection from yourself or others, any small mistake can feel like failure. That pressure can be overwhelming and may lead you to give up or self-sabotage rather than face another imperfect day. It is so important to remember that life is not perfect!

Comfort in the familiar 

Addiction may have hurt you, but it was familiar. It was predictable, and you only had to focus on one thing: getting high. Recovery asks you to step into the beautiful unknown, but it can feel terrifying when you long for control. It can then feel easier to return to what you know than to keep walking into a future that still feels uncertain.

Common Ways Self-Sabotage Shows Up in Recovery

Self-sabotage doesn’t always look dramatic, and often it’s subtle changes in behaviour over time. You may not even realise you're doing it until things start to fall apart. Some common signs include:

• Skipping meetings or therapy sessions
• Lying to your support system
• Ignoring your relapse prevention plan
• Spending time with people who use
• Romanticising your past using days
• Isolating from people who care about you
• Saying, “I’ve got this now,” and stopping what was working
• Engaging in other risky or compulsive behaviours (cross-addiction)

These actions might seem small at first, but they add up. Over time, they chip away at the foundation you’ve built in recovery.

Breaking the Cycle of Self-Sabotage

The good news is that self-sabotage is not the end of the road. It can actually be used to benefit your recovery if you use it as a sign to remind you that there is still healing that needs to happen. It tells you that something deeper still needs your attention. 

1. Practice self-awareness 

Start by noticing the patterns. What situations or emotions tend to trigger self-sabotaging behaviour? Do you start pushing people away when you feel close to them? Do you start skipping meetings when you feel good? Keep a journal or talk it through with someone you trust.

2. Replace judgment with compassion 

Don’t fall into the trap of beating yourself up. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” try asking, “What part of me is feeling scared right now?” Meet that fear with kindness and the desire to resolve it. Self-sabotage often comes from a wounded place, and healing happens when you respond with care, not punishment.

3. Strengthen your support system

Surround yourself with people who understand your journey and won’t give up on you when you stumble. Stay connected to your sponsor, support group, therapist, or recovery community. Recovery is not something you do alone; it’s something we do together. Always remember that connection is the opposite of addiction.

4. Revisit your recovery tools

If you’ve drifted from your routine, come back to it. If you’ve stopped doing what was working, start again. You don’t need to wait for a perfect moment. You just need to take the next right step.

5. Challenge your inner critic

That voice that says you don’t deserve healing? It’s lying. You are worthy of recovery, and you are worthy of love. Remind yourself of that truth every day, even when you don’t feel it yet. 

6. Ask for help

You do not have to figure this out alone. Whether you are stuck in a cycle of self-sabotage or afraid you’re heading there, reach out. Let someone in and take the courageous step of being vulnerable.

Final Thoughts

Self-sabotage is not a sign that you’re failing in recovery. It’s a sign that you're still healing. The road of recovery and healing is not a straight path. It has setbacks, hard days, and moments when old fears creep in.

When you choose to keep going, to reach out, to stay honest, you build a stronger foundation for long-term recovery. It does require a step in the right direction, even if it is one step a day. You need to teach your brain and heart a new story, one where you don’t have to ruin good things just because they feel unfamiliar. 

At Connection Mental Healthcare, we understand that recovery is more than just staying sober. It’s about learning to live in a way that supports you. If you’re caught in a cycle of self-sabotage, we’re here to help you break it with care, support, and the tools to keep moving forward.

You don’t have to undo your progress. You don’t have to keep starting over. You can heal the part of you that’s scared of healing.